So I lied about going to work and my parents figured me out. Bah.

I hope it doesn't become a big deal. I don't want to have discussions about it.

Sigh. I wish they hadn't brought it up now. At three in the morning. I'm tired and now I'm not going to be able to sleep.

Yes, I lie to my parents. Because I'm nearly 19 and because I'm lying about something dumb which they admit they would have made a big deal out of for no reason. I tell my parents white lies to keep the peace in my house. Who here can tell me they haven't done that? Hell, my mother does it every day to my grandmother. My parents have trained me to lie by being freaks about the dumbest shit known to man.

And now I have a car ride with my dad tomorrow and he's going to be a jerk to me. And be all quiet and awkwardy until he can be like "Can I ask you something? Why did you lie?" Blech. I hate that. He does it about the dumbest shit. I lied because otherwise they would bitch me out and it would be dumb and we'd yell at each other and my parents would just keep bringing it up over and over, as usual.

But now they'll just think I'm lying about everything. For god's sake, this is so dumb. Why are my parents such freaks about everything? Why can't they learn to just let things go sometimes? I'm 18, I'm allowed to be a bit of a delinquent.

Maybe that's why stuff got messed up so bad. I was never allowed any stage of delinquency.

Please people, don't ever let me screw up my kids this badly. I beg of you. If my kid lies to me about brushing their teeth when they didn't, don't let me take TV away for a week. That's just stupid. And an over reaction. Don't let me punish my kids if they get a detention. Detention is supposed to be the punishment in itself. When I was 10 I forgot my homework and got detention and was told by my mother if it happened again I would be grounded with no TV for two weeks. WTF, man? That's fucking overboard for FORGETTING FREAKING HOMEWORK.

I shouldn't even care. It was dumb and I hope it all just goes away by morning.

God, I want to move out. Like now. But I can't. And I won't be able to for at least another year, if that soon.

I want to move out and get a job I actually like and not have all this stupid pressure put on me by my parents for no reason. I hate that my mom still calls me an underacheiver. I hate that I still have to answer to them. It's not their place anymore. Butt the hell out. Now.

I lie to my parents because they lie to me. They tell me to tell the truth and they'll listen and won't get mad, but they do, without thinking, they just go off and they keep going off way longer than they should and they feel they have the right and they don't. Now I'm just pissed and annoyed and embarassed and kind of scared which I shouldn't be 'cause they can't actually do anything to me except guilt trip me or yell or both. Sigh. And now I have to go to therapy or something and bitch about my parents some more. I really just wish that someone would come up to them and go "Hey, you fucked up your kid! What's wrong with you? Freaks! What the hell's your problem?" I have only had one person in my life actually say to me "Your parents are messed up and I'm mad at them for what they've done to you". And it was such a huge relief to have someone else say it to me and it made me feel uncrazy for once in my life and like it wasn't just me being a fuck up. Everyone else in my life is much too fucking polite about it. I went to a shrink and even she is too polite about it. I just want her to be on my side sometimes and go "They screwed up".

I'm rambling again...all this over something so stupid....my parents have never needed to do anything to me, just look at what I do to myself....

Can I PLEASE move out? Now?