I feel truly shitty right now and greatly unappreciated, so I'll just write this vague thought that I had on my mind:

Don't bitch about things you should have known would happen. A phrase I hate, but that seems appropriate: If you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen. You speak out and make your voice heard, be ready to hear some not so nice things. Deal with it. It's how the world works. I'm not saying to give up whatever you're doing, not in the least. But don't start whining the second someone disagrees with you. Don't bitch about it when someone says, "Hey, I don't like what you're saying. I don't like what you're doing." They can say that, they have the right to think it and believe it and whether you like it or not, they may just say it to your face. Go ahead and get mad about it, but don't act like you never saw it coming. Don't act like you never believed it was possible you could piss someone off. No one's that special.

I don't know what I'm saying anymore.

I dunno if I'm really writing to anyone in particular. Just over the past few weeks, some people have decided they're untouchable and everything they think and say is the only thing to think or say and it's starting to get on my nerves.

Anyway.

I'm tired and I don't feel well and I don't want to go to school tomorrow and I don't want the play to be on Friday and I don't want to go to work ever again and I don't want a lot of things right now.

First things first. I think I'm quitting my job. For awhile, I didn't want to, I sort of felt this sense of obligation to keep it until I graduated and make some extra money for college. But now, I just can't take it anymore. The work is tedious. I get picked on by my boss for stupid things. She picks the smallest girls there to carry the heaviest things, and she plays favorites which I can not stand. I never have time to myself, I get on day a week and that day is usually spent with rehearsal or visiting my grandfather. And you know, I'd like to have more time to visit him. He's...well, he's not doing so fantastic. Everyone knows this by now. I don't know if he's getting better. I don't know anything. But he tells me he wish he could see me more. And I'm always busy with work and I hate that. I don't want to miss out on my time with him because I'm selling some goddamn middle school brat some skittles.

And I want to see my friends. I never see my friends outside of school. I never get time to just sleep in and hang around or go to a movie or just sit and read a book or anything. It's always rush home, rush to work, rush home, go to bed. I hate it. This is my senior year and I want to enjoy it. And to start off...I have to quit my job.

Now lets see if I'm brave enough to do it.