Family came for lunch-dinner-whatever meal it is you have when you have company in the late afternoon. My grandfather came and I've been avoiding writing about it 'cause it's just depressing to watch him. He's just so dazed and tired and weak and ugh, that was never supposed to be my grandfather. He's always been my one sane grandparent. My mother's mom is losing it and has always been kinda crazy and calling us all the time for no reason and my father's mother is a workaholic and kind of eccentric (she's an actress, so that's a given) and my grandfather always seemed to be the only one who really knew what was going on. He was just happy retiring and reading books and playing tennis and being a dad and a grandfather all day. He spent years wanting to retire and now that he has, look what's happened? Now he can't even enjoy it. It's just not fair at all. They used to say that he was going to get better, it was easily treated, all this optimistic crap that doesn't seem to be worth a damn now.

Now I'm just pissed off and upset. And I was in such a good mood, too.

I guess it really was good that my little cousin wasn't there this afternoon. I wouldn't want him to see his grandfather that way. It's scary and upsetting to me and I'm 17. Imagine how it'd be to a 9 year old? Although I think my grandfather would have liked to see him. Maybe he was just having a really bad day. He's had a bad few days and maybe he's just tired and needs to rest some. Maybe the next time he sees my cousin he'll be more together. I hope he will be.

I just wish he would get better.