Some history:

When I was in 9th grade my grandmother told me about this independent movie she was in that needed a teenage girl for a small role. I tried out and got it (mostly because it was a crap movie and the other two people who tried out sucked) and filmed my role and was very proud of it and then didn't hear about it for two years.

I FINALLY got to see it tonight. Very disappointing. My whole family came to see it since both me and my grandmother were in it and I brought Alice (my best friend from NY) for moral support. Holy shit was it horrible. I wasn't really expecting it to be that great, but DAMN. I had no idea what the fuck was going on and I've read the script! Plus, excuse me for being shallow, they cut out most of my part (even though the director told me there was more of me in it then there had been originally) and without the stuff they cut out none of it made any sense.

I saw this other kid who I filmed with at the screening who's about a year older than me. I just remember having this raging crush on him for the five days I knew him because he was really nice and since we were pretty much the only teenagers on the set we kinda bonded (as much as two high school kids who've never met can bond in five days). Plus he was really really hot. That didn't hurt. Seeing him tonight was weird. We made fun of the movie and talked about how annoying it was that pretty much everything we had worked on got cut out and what we'd been doing for the past two years. He said he pretty much did the movie because his mom talked him into it and he's just been doing all sorts of non-acting jobs since then. After that we didn't have much to say to each other and I had to leave.

I saw my grandfather there. He didn't look so great. He's sick and I've never seen him look that frail before. He's holding himself together pretty well, though. It's just depressing because I remember him just last year and he had so much energy and was playing tennis everyday and going out and having fun and now it's hard for him to just walk down stairs.

So tonight was fun but disappointing at the same time. And it's weird as hell to see yourself on screen like that.