I am very scared to grow up.

And I do a very bad job at being brave sometimes.

And I really really try but sometimes I can't help but think that I'm doomed to be too terrified to grow up and have a life and do the things I want to do.

But usually that's after I haven't been able to sleep all night. Like tonight. And then because I can't sleep I end up watching really depressing anime on Cartoon Network. And then I'm so tired and blah feeling that I actually start crying when a cartoon character on a show I've seen twice dies. And then I change the channel and it's the end of Beaches which makes me cry more, even though I've never eve seen all of Beaches and it looks really stupid, but I changed right to the part where some lady dies and then I started crying more and then she had a kid and I cried even more. And then I was just crying out of frustration at being tired and still feeling crappy from this weirdo cold that won't let me get a decent nights sleep (wait, when was the last time I had one of those?) and then I am just crying for the hell of it and feeling lonely, which is silly, because my mom and dad are right next door and my cat is running around like a maniac and I was just talking to a bunch of people. And then I tried to write a letter to Matt, but couldn't concentrate and wrote something weird about making cookies..or not making cookies..and then was just lonlier 'cause it made me miss him (more). And my headache isn't any better. Stupid sinuses that apparently aren't infected but still hurt like a bitch all the time and then make me feel all uncomfortable all over and so I can't sleep. Argh. So I think I need some sleep. And then a hug. And then I think...I hope...I'll be okay again.

And I hate my hair. That is all.