I have to stop listening to my mom when she says things. Because she's shit at making observations or knowing when to butt the fuck out.

She told me she didn't want me to be an "appendage" and so ever since she said that I've been feeling like one and that makes me feel like shit. Even though it's not true. I think. I hope. See what she does to me? Goddamnit. I have to learn that my mom says really really dumb shit to me quite often and she often makes really bad assumptions about me and doesn't know as much as she thinks she does. Especially when it comes to me.

I am sad and I don't like that. I had a very lovely night, but now I am sad and I really really hate that and I'm not sure why, I mean I have ideas about why but none of them really make any sense at all.

Well...one of the reasons is that everyone is coming back when I'm starting to think about having to leave.

I don't want to go. I seriously don't. I am absolutely serious in so many ways that I do not want to go back there and I don't think anyone is really taking me seriously but I am serious. I don't want to go back. I hate it there. I simply and truly hate it and nothing there makes me happy and oh god please don't make me go back there. Please don't make me. Please. I will get a job and go to school somewhere, anywhere, or I don't know where but please please please god please do not make me go back there I never want to go back there. Please.

Today is supposed to be a happy day. So I will be sad now and then hopefully I will not be sad later.