This is the year of Robin fucking up in the performing arts.

Meaning.

1. I got into Parnassian. Great start, great show.
.....But I played practically all maids. And then had a panic attack during the first show so I couldn't really enjoy it. I hate getting panic attacks on stage 'cause I know I'm not doing my best and it makes me feel even worse. Or like in tenth when I had a panic attack during Cagebirds and everyong went "Oh Robin, it was great, you really looked like you were sick!"...but that wasn't my acting, that was my actually feeling sick and it showing through. So I didn't feel like I deserved any sort of compliments.

2. Now I'm starting to regret not just learning the dance for the musical. Way late, I know...but...sigh...I feel so left out all the time.

3. FNL. Didn't get in. At least I found out that I was pretty close...but...that's kind of a mixed blessing. Like "Oh yay I didn't suck they did sort of like me!" and at the same time "Oh fuck, I was that close? Why couldn't they just have two more people?!" But I have no hard feelings to the directors. It's just me smacking myself in the head, basically.

So here comes the part that happens after you don't get a part where you go "I'm a talentless loser" for awhile, and then you get over it and you go do something new.

Except it's just a little worse now 'cause this is my last year. And out of dumb luck and my own stubborness, it hasn't been as great as I wanted it to be.

Well...what can I do?