Yeah, so I had a panic attack for NO ACTUAL REASON. That's so FUCKED UP. And actually just was really annoying more than anything. I wasn't thinking about anything in particular and all of a sudden, "Um..wait...why am I feeling panicky?". In my head I was fine and calm and not freaking about anything, but my body was feeling all jumpy and like my heart was racing (even though it wasn't). It wasn't a very bad attack, which I think is probably due to my medicine. The fact that I had an attack at all is annoying 'cause I was really liking NOT having them and thought that taking the medicine was keeping them under better control than this. Although I think due to the medicine it was pretty bareable, so I'm not too upset. I just hope nobody wants to change my meds around 'cause..grr. That'd just be freakin' annoying. Anyway, it's possible that it could have happened 'cause I had a little bit of a stomache ache and for some reason that might have made my body go "ATTACK!!!!" even though I'm not freaking.

And I realize now that I don't think I like my meds being called "crazy medicine" even just joking 'cause I already had enough issues of not wanting to take them in the first place and the reason I could get myself to start on them was because I realized they weren't 'cause I was crazy but 'cause my genes make some chemical or another react when it's not supposed to, which isn't so much crazy as a medical thing. Like instead of asthma or ingrown toenails running in my family it just happens to be chemical imbalances (along with other really icky things like cancer and that sort). And if I had to take medicine for asthma or an ingrown toenail (which I don't really think you take medicine for) we wouldn't really make fun of it or anything. Okay, well maybe the ingrown toenail, but you get the point. Not that anyone meant anything by joking about my meds, but I think maybe it's better not to 'cause it makes me feel kinda bad about something that I can't really control very well.

But anyway, I think I was pretty good at not spazzing last night...I mean, I didn't start crying or shaking or just turning into a total head case...I just did my best to get distracted and ignore it by talking to people online, which didn't work THAT well, but certainly helped, and then waking up my mom and being like "Hey, I'm having a panic attack for no reason, come sit downstairs with me and help me calm down?" which turned into my mom being half asleep and once in awhile asking me if I was sure that there was nothing going on that was making me panic (I had to tell her about three times that it was just totally random, 'cause she gets suspicious) and at one point asking me if I had been drinking alcohol, which made no sense 'cause I only drink when I'm at a party and then only a very little bit 'cause the taste is kinda blech and she knows this. And where would I get the alcohol from, anyway? We don't really keep anything in my house except random wine that nobody drinks very often and I usually forget is there and (very) occasionally some beer which people drink even less often. Plus I wouldn't be so stupid as to drink my parents alcohol 'cause since nobody drinks very much in my house it would not go unnoticed. But anyway, after she got done being suspicious and making sure she didn't need to take me to a doctor it was just me rambling on to her about nothing in particular to keep myself from thinking too much while she drifted in and out of being awake. Eventually I was calm enough that I didn't really feel like I needed to be THAT distracted anymore and she went upstairs and I watched a Conan rerun and fell asleep.

But now I am awake and that is no good 'cause I absolutely have to be in my psych class and I have to be awake enough to get there and stay awake. Boo.