I'm at a loss, my cat says "meow"....

Do you ever how you pump the music way up when you're angry or upset? Okay, maybe you don't, but I do sometimes. I'm not sure why. I tend to listen to stuff with lots of bass when I'm mad. I don't know why. Maybe because I'm upset and I can feel it in my heart and I want something else to bang out a different rhythm for me, one that's happier, or angrier, something to keep me from losing it.

I had to do this in the car today, on the way to my Grandma's house. She showed up at my house, having driven around on the turnpike for who knows how long and for reasons we're not quite sure of. There was something about Newark Airport. Anyway, while my family and I sat around trying to convince her she shouldn't be driving anymore and that she's really losing it and needs some help, she starts attacking us instead. Primarily me. She said how I don't make time for her and basically that I don't care about her, which is such bullshit seeing as I drove to her house last week for no reason other than her friend called me to tell me she was being nuts and gonna get herself killed. I was about to start crying right there and I couldn't look at her and when I tried to talk my voice was all quavery and yucky. I hate when that happens. I was just pissed and sick of her bs and how she's crazy and blames it on us and says that we're all the ones who are crazy and being assholes.

So yeah. That was after feeling sick since last night and like, going crazy over something dumb, and then having to go to my OTHER grandmother's house this morning, which is a whole other story of insanity. I'll tell later. But the day has not gone so well so far. Think it still has time to get better?