Dear Citizens of New Jersey,
I would like to introduce you to this nifty little thing called a crosswalk. When a person is standing directly in front of a crosswalk, it usually means that they'd like to cross the street. This is your cue to stop your fucking car and let them cross. This does not depend on how much of a rush you're in or how big or fancy your car is. Stop. Your fucking. Car. Do not drive past while glaring at the person as if to say "This is MY street and I'll run over your toes if I damn well please".
I'd also like to remind people walking in the crosswalk that it is impolite to take your sweet time dialing your cell phone/checking the time/readjusting your headphones/showing off your pimp walk or any other such slow ass obnoxious behaviour as you cross the street. You may have the right of way, but the person in that car in front of you could easily run your ass down in a second flat so watch your back.
Thank you for your time, and remember, don't be an asshole, you could wind up in a suit case in the reservation. This is Jersey, after all.
All my love,
Robin
P.S. Littering sucks, too. I saw this kid drop his Dunkin Donuts cup on someone's lawn this morning on his way to school and I had to struggle not to yell "I hope you get herpes" at him. That's probably a little extreme for tossing a coffee cup...but only a little...
posted by Robin @ 9:44 PM
2 Comments:
Anybody blase or maladjusted enough to blatantly throw their shit on someone's lawn probably has herpes already, so if you see someone do that again, just yell, "I hope you get all the STDs you don't have already."
I had the most wonderful moment in South Orange about two weeks ago. My husband and I were crossing the street, in the crosswalk, when a car just zoomed by us. I was angry, looked up, saw a police officer and wished he had seen what happened. Surprise! He did see it. He ran up the street to the corner where the car had stopped for the light and he ticketed the guy. Sometimes the good guys win one.
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