Went out to lunch today with Anna, Philippe, Dan, and Erika. We started talking about colleges and someone asked me "Where are you applying?"....and that completely freaked me out. Here's the thing. I have no idea where I'm applying. I know I'm applying to Pittsburgh, probably Ohio...but that's about it so far. I feel so behind. People are already applying places and I don't even know where I want to go. There's also that I never feel like I'm good enough to get in anywhere. I always think my grades suck, even when they don't. When I was a freshman I got a 3.2 GPA and thought it was really bad. I thought all my grades were awful even when they weren't, mostly because my parents would constantly make a big deal out of them and how I had to do better or I'd never get into college (they would tell me this regardless of how good my grades actually were...they once flipped out over a B- in social studies). Huh, I wonder where this whole not feeling good enough thing stems from? And all my negativity? (which I hate, by the way, I truly wish I could be a more optimistic person) I hope I never do that to my kids. I hope I'll at least have a little faith in them. My parents say they have faith in me and are proud of me and believe I can do well, but they certainly don't act like it. I know they're working on it and that they probably really are proud of me, and I hate to say it, but a lot of damage has already been done.

I was at work tonight and had the horrible revelation that NO ONE THERE WATCHES THE SIMPSONS. Truly disappointing. I was trying to say how walking (walking around with the big heavy tray full of candy and water...I've explained this before) made me feel like Moe when he opened a family resturant and was dancing around with a bowl of french fries on his head. Only one person knew what I was talking about and that's 'cause they watch it once in awhile. How very sad. It's so much easier to explain things when you can relate them to the Simpsons.

I'm bored. People need to get online and talk to me instead of being out and having lives. I got two calls on my cell phone at work, but they were both from phone numbers I've never seen so they were probably just wrong numbers. How depressing.