So guess who's stuck playing second violin for the FOURTH FUCKING YEAR IN A ROW?!!?!?!

I will not be bitter. I refuse to be bitter. It's not worth it to be bitter over......

Fuck that, I am SOOOO fucking bitter. First of all, the audition was unfair. I hadn't been able to practice that weekend because of Yom Kippur AND not to mention the fact that no one knew the audition was going to be in front of EVERYONE. That made me so nervous I could hardly play, my hands were shaking so badly. Visibly shaking, Ray saw them and he was sitting across the room.

Fuck him. What an asshole. And not just because he gave me a bad seat....well, yeah, that's part of it, but he truly is an asshole. And there are so many people sitting in first who don't give a fuck at all about the class, they're just there for the credits. So FUCK HIM THAT ASSHOLE.

Plus I'm sick so now I'm extra pissed. I'm going to talk to him about it tomorrow when I get back to school. I'll be much calmer and explain rationally to him why I don't deserve to be a second violin (and I haven't even said anything about the fact that I have seniority...you know...being a goddamn SENIOR). I'm sure he'll just tell me to wait until the next seating test. I really felt like quitting this morning. That's the only time I have ever SERIOUSLY considered quitting orchestra. But quitting just for that would be really petty and I know I'd regret it later. But if he's an asshole to me when I go talk to him......I don't know what I'll do, but it's not going to be my usual "sit there and take it" attitude anymore.

What bullshit.