I doubt you'll understand her mind...

I don't like blackouts.

When I was younger, I was terribly afraid of the dark. I still have that little jump of fear in my chest when it's pitch black. If I can't see I get kind of claustrophobic, feel like I can't breathe so well, like the dark's going to drown me. It's pretty silly. But hey, I'm a jittery kind of girl, what can I do? I take a deep breath and try to find a flash light.

I've always been extra sensitive to electronics, it seems, and that weird little high pitched hum they make. I could always tell when something gets turned on or off in another room. I guess most people can usually tell, but I seem to be a little more sensitive to it than others. Whenever the power went out when I was younger, even when I was fast asleep, I'd sense it and wake up right away. This wasn't really any fun for anyone since the dark scared the crap out of me. In second grade the power went out and I woke up. I should have gone right back to sleep as it was the middle of the night, but instead I stayed up till 5 in the morning. The sun had come up before the power came back on and I stayed up anyway. Though I think by that point I thought it was just kind of fun to be awake so late at night.

One time I woke up to screaming because the power had gone out. It's really quite confusing to be woken by someone screaming at the top of their lungs and find out that it's you.

My parents took me on a ride at Epcot once, and there was a short part of total darkness and I started squirming and wimpering and tearing up despite the fact that I was far too old to be so upset by the dark. My mother kept scolding me, saying I was just upsetting the young kid in front of me even more than he already was (I wasn't the only one who didn't like the dark, apparently).

There was a black out tonight around 12:30. I should have just ignored it and gone to bed, but I couldn't. I had to wait for the power to come back. I think part of me is scared that it'll never be light again and I need to know for sure that it will be. In 8th grade I got some kind of virus and was awake three nights in a row and every night I felt like it'd never be light again. It was very depressing and I'd cry, half out of discomfort for being sick and half because I wanted the sun to come back.

I took a flashlight to the front door and shined it up and down the block, half hoping someone else would be awake and standing at their door seeing what was going on. No one came outside. It felt terribly lonely. Once I went to Molly's house during a blackout and played Clue in the dark with her and her parents. I think that's the most comfortable I'd ever been in a black out, not really scared at all. But Molly's away and it was very late anyway, so I sat on my couch and lit some candles and stared into space because I couldn't think of anything better to do.

It wasn't a great time for a black out.

This has been a rough week.